| Imagine. After months of waiting and anticipation the | | | | functions of parenthood? |
| moment has finally arrived! Your beautiful baby enters | | | | Advocates should be objective and solution minded |
| the world and life is the fullest it has ever been! As the | | | | While interviewing an advocate, listen carefully for |
| nurse gently places your newborn in your arms she | | | | language that promotes solutions rather than |
| slips a book into your hands. "This is your child's | | | | vengeance. The advocate's personal experience with |
| manual," she explains, "Be sure to read it as soon as | | | | a school district, board, or previous personal history has |
| possible. Oh, and pay close attention to the section | | | | no place in the discussion. This is about YOUR child. |
| regarding special needs." | | | | The advocate may utilize background knowledge of |
| A crazy scenario, I know. But at times I wish that I had | | | | the people and resources to facilitate a workable plan |
| had that manual! Navigating the parenting role is tricky | | | | for your child. In order to secure a positive proactive |
| at the best of times, but, finding your way with a child | | | | response from the people that are in relationship with |
| that has special needs is even more demanding and | | | | your child, the advocate is best to be respectful, |
| difficult. This is a path that may not have been traveled | | | | courteous, and considerate and open minded. Of |
| by family and friends. Loneliness, disappointment, | | | | course, this is true of every member of a team. |
| frustration and a sense of failure can make the | | | | Can the advocate help your child access the best |
| journey miserable. The challenges can become | | | | education possible without putting undue stress on the |
| overwhelming once your child reaches school age. It is | | | | resources and personnel involved? Sometimes in the |
| at that time that you enter a whole world of | | | | hopes of helping a parent, promises are made that are |
| professionals that will have your precious child for 6 | | | | overly taxing on a personal or financial level...the school |
| hours out of the day! It is a world that is a culture unto | | | | must educate all students, not just yours. Parents may |
| itself with its own language and its own set of rules. | | | | disagree and say that it is really their child that they |
| You may feel like an outsider. You may feel that you | | | | care about. While that is very true, schools cannot |
| need help. You may need someone to act as an | | | | operate on this premise. Educational institutions have a |
| interpreter in this new land. | | | | duty to look after the collective while at the same time |
| You begin the investigation...look on the Internet and the | | | | ensuring that each individual receives what is needed. It |
| Yellow pages.....can someone out there help me do the | | | | is not fair to assume that school staff should take |
| best for my child in school? Before you choose the | | | | from one child in order to provide for another. Imagine |
| person who will be your guide and advocate for your | | | | someone suggesting that a parent take away |
| child, you must do some homework; for the sake of | | | | resources from one of their children in order to give to |
| your child and for your own sanity. There are many | | | | another. There are solutions that can work for |
| people who call themselves advocates. But, it is up to | | | | everyone. We need to be searching for them as a |
| you, the parent to make an informed decision as to | | | | team. |
| whether the person is truly qualified to advocate for a | | | | Advocates should be facilitators not dictators. |
| student with special needs and whether this person is | | | | Listen and observe an advocate carefully. Are they |
| a "good fit" with you, your child and your goals. Take | | | | talking as of they are going into battle? Using words |
| the time to do your research; the decision you make | | | | like "them" and "us?" Watch for an ego that is using |
| can literally affect your own and your child's life in | | | | your child to feed itself! Egos look out for egos, not |
| ways that you never dreamed possible. The person | | | | children. Red flags should wave wildly when an |
| that you choose will impact your relationship with | | | | advocate sees only negatives in a child's education, or |
| school personnel, your spouse, your child and the | | | | when promises of specific outcomes for your child are |
| members of your family. The advocate will have a | | | | made. An advocate that speaks with an "I'll show |
| direct effect on your marriage, your personal | | | | them," attitude is not going to effectively negotiate a |
| relationships and your family. You are inviting someone | | | | plan that makes everyone want to do their part. |
| to enter into your world. Be very careful to whom you | | | | Problems are not solved that way. Children do not win |
| give this precious gift. | | | | in these scenarios. |
| What role can an advocate play?o Assist parents in | | | | Humans need to be acknowledged for the effort that |
| finding supports and resources that are availableo | | | | they invest; we need to feel supported and respected. |
| Model effective relationship building and problem solving | | | | We are more open to solutions when we are not |
| skillso Listen to all parties in a genuine and | | | | feeling defensive. No person, neither educator nor |
| nonjudgmental manner;o Clarify issueso Suggest | | | | parent, should leave a discussion feeling that they have |
| options and possible solutionso Document meetings or | | | | been ignored, rejected or discounted if they were |
| help parents to understand documents and | | | | genuinely promoting a child's needs and not their own. |
| assessmentso Locate and provide informationo Speak | | | | When the disagreement lowers itself to the level of |
| on the parent/child's behalf when they cannot speak | | | | acting like children who are demanding that everyone |
| for themselveso Help the family with written | | | | play by their rules, the child with special needs is no |
| correspondence, documentation or phone callso | | | | longer the center of the discussion. An advocate is |
| Attend meetingso Follow up on decisions made and | | | | worth their weight in gold when they can objectively |
| actions taken | | | | look at a situation without an emotional charge and |
| The following are a few points to ponder before | | | | create solutions that work for the child. |
| deciding who you will choose: | | | | Each member of a team has a perspective on how to |
| Advocates should have the qualifications to be able to | | | | best help a child: a principal, community agency |
| speak with integrity and knowledge about | | | | member, speech pathologist, teacher and a parent |
| exceptionalities in learning. A high level of qualification | | | | have ideas that stem from their training and |
| brings a level of respect to the table. Humans are far | | | | experience. A skilled advocate is able to listen to each |
| more likely to listen to someone who has "walked in | | | | member's ideas and see solutions that draw on the |
| their shoes" and has experience in education and | | | | strengths of each person at the table. |
| special needs. It is probably safe to say, that very few | | | | Ultimatums, threats and accusations drive a wedge |
| people are willing to modify their own expertise and | | | | between parents and teachers that is extremely |
| professional methods based on the ideas and opinions | | | | damaging to the child because the message that the |
| of someone who has little or no experience and | | | | parent is giving is that they trust this person more than |
| credentials in the field. As an educator, sitting in | | | | the teacher. |
| meetings with someone who has no special education | | | | The End of the Road |
| qualifications and have them point out your deficiencies | | | | As a parent, it can be intensely frustrating when you |
| is a waste of time and money. Any parent who has | | | | feel that a system is failing your child. At times, the |
| experienced being lectured on the best methods of | | | | anger and resentment can be too much to bear. It is |
| raising children by a person who has no children, may | | | | easy to fall into the trap of vengeance and revenge. |
| know how frustrating this can be. Teachers are more | | | | Going to the press or calling a lawyer should never be |
| likely to be open to the opinions and suggestions of | | | | done without serious thought of the repercussions. |
| someone who is at least qualified to make such | | | | These actions should never be born from an emotional |
| statements. It makes sense that if you want to | | | | reaction. The cost will be high. Before taking any action, |
| cultivate the best education for your child, you would | | | | the question that should be front and center is: "How |
| expect an advocate that had the special education | | | | will this benefit the child? How could this hurt the child?" |
| credentials and experience that would enhance your | | | | It is all too easy to get caught up in the feeling of |
| role as parent. Maintaining professional development by | | | | retribution. When we feel helpless it is almost |
| attending conferences, keeping up to date on current | | | | intoxicating to gain a sense of power. We need to be |
| policy documents and procedures are important | | | | honest with ourselves about what is driving our course |
| qualifications to have. Special education is a constantly | | | | of action. Before taking such steps, consider that your |
| evolving science and an advocate must be up to date. | | | | child may have many years in school ahead of him. |
| A solid knowledge of local resources, services | | | | Your child's siblings may have many years in the |
| providers and community programs facilitates problem | | | | educational system. The damage caused by legal |
| solving. It is equally important that the advocate you | | | | action and/or public humiliation cannot help but affect |
| choose have the interpersonal skills necessary to | | | | your relationships with the very people that you will rely |
| work collaboratively with others to create solutions. As | | | | on to give your children the best. I am speaking of the |
| a parent, expect the person that you hire to be | | | | deep- seated hurt, mistrust and fear that sinks into the |
| qualified to help you to work with the school. | | | | soul of anyone that has been affected by litigation and |
| Advocates should know your child. | | | | bad press. Public humiliation and bad press may make |
| People who are chosen to represent your child need | | | | a school system give in to your demands but it does |
| to read assessments, report cards, interact and spend | | | | nothing to draw out the best of any human being or |
| time with the child in order to really know who they are | | | | relationship. |
| working for. Then the role of advocacy is authentic | | | | This is not to say the legal action is not necessary at |
| and not a matter of fighting for a cause or for an ego | | | | times. But, it is a LAST resort. Advocates may or may |
| boost. When an advocate knows the parent and the | | | | not be affiliated with an attorney but they are not |
| child well, he or she can help to uncover the common | | | | lawyers and they should not be giving legal advice. |
| ground between school and home. The advocate | | | | Final Thoughts |
| should be able to explain how your child's disability may | | | | Hiring an advocate does not take away the parent's |
| impact their learning and then work with you to help | | | | role in decision making. Advocates make sense of the |
| prioritize your child's needs. A wise advocate is | | | | documents, technical language and educational jargon. |
| someone who will look for solutions and not blame. | | | | They may explain options or the requirements of |
| Advocates should see the child in the context of his | | | | special programs, attend meetings and ask clarifying |
| classroom. A child's program on paper can never tell | | | | questions but, as the child's parents, you make the |
| the whole story. There is no way that a teacher can | | | | decision. Your child needs YOU to be in charge; your |
| put into words all of the supports, plans, visuals, tools | | | | role is long term! |
| and strategies that are employed to make the child | | | | Educators need to listen, really listen to what it is that |
| successful. The child's world tells far more than any | | | | parents are asking for. We may have to sort through |
| documentation could ever describe. It is important to | | | | layers of hurt, anger, resentment and fear to see the |
| note that entering a classroom is opening a "sacred | | | | authentic concern for their child. I believe that most |
| trust." Just as you would not let someone that you do | | | | times we can meet the requests of the parent at |
| not trust into your home, teachers must be wary to | | | | some level. Look for common ground. |
| whom they open their classrooms. If someone is | | | | The relationship between parent and school can be |
| entering the room to "observe" and then report back | | | | difficult because a child's life is at stake and emotions |
| to the parent all of the things that they think are being | | | | run high. But, with hard work, respectful dialogue and |
| done incorrectly and to "build a case" against the | | | | child -centred problem solving, it is possible to work as |
| school, the relationship has then been destroyed. | | | | a team to make the most of a child's education. It is up |
| Would you want someone coming into your home to | | | | to the adults to make it work for the sake of the |
| "observe and critique" you as you carry out the daily | | | | children. |