| I was sitting in a meeting one evening with other | | | | same crowd that can laugh at things you would never |
| parents like me. We were all alumni from ICEC, an | | | | think someone should laugh at. It’s like me saying, |
| organization providing various therapies to our special | | | | “Oh, your kid’s room is a mess? Let my |
| needs children. The meetings were always | | | | “borderline autistic” son come over. He’ll line |
| moderated by a psychologist who helped us work | | | | up all the toys and have the place spotless.” Only |
| through our grieving, healing, and milestones. Thank | | | | parents of special needs children and the friends and |
| goodness because we needed all the mental help we | | | | family that they are close too can feel comfortable |
| could summon. You know that saying “It takes a | | | | laughing at that kind of darkness. It’s such a |
| village?” It does. It takes a village of psychologists | | | | sense of freedom that I can’t explain when you |
| and pharmacists to get through such staggering times | | | | can be safe enough to laugh at such serious |
| like that. | | | | circumstances. No one is offended, no one makes |
| Nevertheless, it was quite a liberating group and it | | | | excuses for it, it is just us “being” with what we |
| was the first time that I realized I could just be myself | | | | have been given. Our adopted four-year-old son |
| with no hang-ups, nothing to prove, and nothing to be | | | | was born addicted to meth. His birth mother used |
| egotistical about. It was an amazing time of self | | | | drugs while she was pregnant with him. We recently |
| awareness, all the while dealing with the most | | | | ran with the kids in a children’s 1K race at a local |
| traumatic moments of my life. You would think that | | | | festival and we joked that David would win the race |
| dealing with all the hurt, pain and disappointment of | | | | hands down. We rarely see him walk. His preferred |
| having a child with special needs would only make me | | | | method of traveling is running. He runs down the |
| feel helpless, unhappy, guilty, and disappointed, but it | | | | street, in the house, wherever we go. We laughed |
| was the opposite. I felt relief that Derek is who he is | | | | that he sized up the other kids running the race, |
| without any need to explain anything. | | | | bysaying, “You think you can beat me? I don’t |
| So this one mom started talking about her kids, how | | | | think so, I’m powered by Meth. I got this thing in |
| she had one child with ADHD, one with autism and one | | | | the bag.” |
| with some other undiagnosed syndrome. And I | | | | As bad as that sounds, you have to realize, it’s the |
| thought I had a full house. She went on to explain | | | | adverse circumstances that our kids have sometimes |
| that her son was born missing several fingers. She | | | | that make you stop and think, “I have to laugh or |
| was pouring out her heart to all of us when I suddenly | | | | I’ll cry.” We choose laughter, and sometimes it |
| burst into inappropriate laughter. It was awful. I felt | | | | may not sound politically correct to other people, but I |
| ashamed at first because everyone was looking at | | | | have nothing to prove to other people anymore. And |
| me like I was nuts. They disapproved of my “bad | | | | being PC takes too much work. I’m exhausted |
| behavior.” I couldn’t stop, I was a runaway | | | | already. |
| train at that point. Tears started rolling down my | | | | It’s like my 95 year old grandmother (“Gaga”) |
| face. People started giggling as they watched me | | | | said to me after she observed a particularly hectic day |
| explode with the freedom that comes with pure | | | | we were having in my house, “Honey, you need to |
| laughter. The laughter was like rockets jetting out of | | | | drink more.” Boy, Gaga had a way with humor |
| my mouth. Finally I had to stop and explain myself. It | | | | and that’s what keeps me going – humor. If I |
| took me several times to try and talk, I couldn’t | | | | can make someone laugh for a minute when they are |
| stop the laughing. Finally, I said, “I’m so sorry, | | | | in the fight of their life dealing with such traumatic |
| but I’m laughing because if I would have known you | | | | events, you better believe I’m going for the funny |
| earlier, we could have given you four fingers! My son | | | | bone. We have to just keep going and I think |
| was born withextra fingers and toes –12 of each | | | | that’s what laughter does. It just helps us keep |
| –we had spares!” The room exploded in | | | | moving through the day. Before you know it, |
| laughter. The other parents laughed like they’ve | | | | you’ve made it through a few minutes, and then |
| never laughed before. All the sadness, grief and | | | | you’ve made it through a few more. Suddenly |
| disappointment was washed away for several | | | | you realize you’ve made it through a day with less |
| minutes as we passed around a box of tissue to dab | | | | tears than you had the day before and you’re still |
| the tears of laughter streaming down our faces. It | | | | alive and you’re still functioning. I think that’s |
| was much needed relief. | | | | what this is all about – finding a way to deal with |
| The absurdity of that sentence that came out of my | | | | what you’ve been given and still being a functional, |
| mouth was appreciated by this crowd. This is the | | | | happy and positive human being. |