My Child is Not to Blame - But Who Is?

Violent behaviour like kicking, biting, throwing books,were to change her attitude towards her son's
throwing tantrums, swearing and basically being anupbringing and accept her mistakes, the school would
animal in every possible situation seems like "normal"help even further. School performance relies on
behaviour to the majority of parents.students' performance. Misbehaving children cause
It is not unheard of for a child under five years oldtrouble and slow down the learning process, so it does
(Daily Mail, Friday, April 30, 2010) to be expelled fromnot help anybody in the long run.
school at least five times...Unfortunately, we live in a society that does not
The child cannot control his behaviour, or should I ratheraccept wrong doing, but shifts responsibility on
say, his mother cannot control him, but has the cheeksomebody else...and we all pay the price for it at the
to blame everybody else, apart from herself. And ofend of the day.
course, the child is always excused, because heI am a mother of a boy and a girl and I know hand on
suffers from....a litany of illnesses or other familyexperience how demanding the children can be. With
misfortunes.my husband, we went through a "terrible twos" stage
Yes, this mother of three lost her husband and has lotsand we are approaching teenage years very quickly. I
on her plate bringing the other children up on her own.observe, that some boys are placed on the pedestal
What kind of child is she bringing up if he does notby their mothers and are not required to make the
realise that his behaviour e.g. touching teachingslightest effort to achieve anything. At the same time,
assistant's breast is inappropriate? What type of filmsthey are said to be hyperactive and not being able to
is he watching? At the moment, he is "only" touchingsit still for five minutes. There are cases, when a child
her, in the future, he will rape an innocent girl and blameis hyperactive, but let's not assign a hyperactive label
his difficult childhood for his actions.to every single boy. The majority of them lack
According to me, the mother does not have a cluediscipline and proper upbringing.
about bringing her youngest son up, but she is the firstBy discipline I do not mean hitting a child, but being firm
to complain about the school, their unfairness and theirabout certain rules e.g. amount of time the child spends
reaction to his misbehaviour.playing computer games, what time he goes to sleep,
What kind of punishment can a school apply, as nothe way he speaks. If a child does not have anybody
reprimand is allowed?willing to listen to him, how can he form his opinions
It seems to me, that the kid is not taught how to act inabout the world, show his achievements and
appropriate manner. He is a little terror now, growingimprovements and talk about his concerns. The
into a bigger yob, who will attack an old pensioner inmajority of children are hyperactive and are socially
the future, unless his mother finally admits to beingunprepared, because no-one has spent any time with
guilty and does something about it. It would be great ifthem. They show off, as they crave attention. Children
she started bringing him up, instead of allowing him todo not need expensive toys, but they need parents,
walk on the loose and do whatever he feels.who are happy to take them for a walk, teach them
It is not right, what the mother is saying about lack ofto ride a bike and do some activities together.
support from school. It is not in any school's interest toAt the same time, girls can grow up to be well
leave a vulnerable child without help. What she needsmannered, educated young women, or they can fall
to understand is that her five year old child rules thepregnant by the age of fourteen and stop their
house with her permission. It is obvious, that if he trieseducation at the age of 16. It is up to the parents
to apply this behaviour to the classroom environment,carers to make sure children are shown right paths to
he will meet with resistance. As soon as he sees thatfollow.
he cannot always have everything his way, he willAny money will not buy time that you have not spent
throw a tantrum, destroy a couple of books, offend awith your child. What you have not seen, is gone and is
teacher. Then his mother will be called to school andirreplaceable. Unfortunately, the majority of people
blame everybody else, when there is nothing wrongcannot devote as much time as they would like to their
with her parental skills. Or is there?children. We are all short of time and struggling to cope
The young boy's misbehaviour has not started all of awith earning a living, running the household and bringing
sudden. He must have been allowed to be a little bratthe children up. If we do not have the time for our own
when he was even smaller. Innocent misbehaviour, likechildren, why bother having them?
demanding sweeties at every shopping trip orA child is not a toy, that you can throw aside as soon
screaming the head off for nothing, is just the beginningas you get bored with it. Any child needs love, care
of trouble waiting to happen. It does not take long toand support. A child may have some shortcomings
change a sweet two year old into a monstrous fiveand difficulties, that can be overcome by supplying
year old, who laughs in teacher's face and does notenough support. And at the same time, any child needs
know any discipline...to know the rules and discipline. Children brought up
I feel that we need a correct assessment from socialwithout any rules, are left in the darkness, as they do
services to know how to deal with this kind of situation.not know how to behave. They do not realise, what is
The only person, who needs to be assessed is thegood and what is bad, so they are trying different
mother herself. There are lots of parents, who copeapproaches. They need to be taught that certain
on their own while caring for their children. There arebehaviour is unacceptable. They need to know how
lots of disabled parents, like me, who struggle on afar they can push before they get punished.
daily basis with any day-to-day activities, but are stillJudging by the above mentioned article, Dylan does
able to bring up well mannered children. It is easy tonot know any rules. It is high time his mum gave him
blame somebody else for everything that went wrong.some instructions, before he becomes yet another
It is much more difficult to admit the mistakes and try"lost" child...
to correct them. I am pretty sure, that if Dylan's mother