| How do I bring up this child? Is a frequently asked | | | | He learns to condemn |
| question by many parents who come face to face | | | | If a child lives with hostility, |
| with a child with disability. The problem starts when the | | | | He learns to fight. |
| doctor announces that the child has a disability. The | | | | If a child lives with ridicule, |
| first reaction of the parent is denial,” my child is not | | | | He learns to be shy. |
| disabled, the doctor made a mistake”. The | | | | If a child lives with jealousy, |
| grandparents add to this saying some uncle or aunty | | | | He learns to feel guilty. |
| was like this but then they became normal. So there is | | | | If a child lives with tolerance, |
| no need for anxiety. Everything will become normal. | | | | He learns to be patient. |
| But when there is no improvement the next step is to | | | | If a child lives with encouragement, |
| shop around for a cure from pillar to post. Parents | | | | He learns confidence. |
| refuse to listen to the doctors’ suggestions. Parents | | | | If a child lives with praise, |
| expect some miracle and after shopping around ends | | | | He learns to praise. |
| up either with over protection or with rejection. | | | | If a child lives with fairness, |
| All these have an impact on the development of the | | | | He learns justice, |
| child. In the case of a child with mental disability parents | | | | If a child lives with security, |
| have sympathy for the child Most parents feel that the | | | | He learns to have faith. |
| child does not understand anything and try to give a lot | | | | If a child lives with approval, |
| of allowance for the child. A lot of concession is given | | | | He learns to like himself. |
| for the misbehaviour of the child. The child with mental | | | | If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, |
| disability has some comprehension though not up to his | | | | He learns to find love in the world. |
| / her age level Most parents allow the child to behave | | | | As we set rules for the children if permitted children |
| as she /he likes and finally are scared to take the child | | | | may also like to set rules for us and question us. We |
| to public gathering because thay think the child will | | | | usually do not allow that. Let us give them permission |
| misbehave when people are around. | | | | and keep our self in the shoe of the child and listen to |
| We usually forget to remember that the child is | | | | what they want to say. For some parents it will be |
| observing us as we observe the child. He/She knows | | | | really shocking. |
| our weakness and strong points and what will affect | | | | |
| us more. Some children say “I know how to get | | | | 1. If we have done something wrong, you have every |
| things done, when friends come to visit us we get | | | | right to tell us what was wrong with us or where we |
| what ever we demand.” “Our screaming in a | | | | went wrong. Please make it short, and without shouting |
| public place makes my mother nervous and she will do | | | | at us in front of others try to make us understand |
| anything for me” So even if we are anxious make | | | | what was wrong. Please don’t go about it for |
| it a point not to express it out wardly. | | | | hours. |
| Another big mistake we all do is to ignore the children | | | | 2. Please do remember the good things about us as |
| when they are quite and mind their work. We have a | | | | well as the bad. If we are quiet and did something you |
| tendency to finish the work as fast as we can when | | | | can appreciate, give us positive strokes immediately. |
| there is no disturbance. We pay attention to the child | | | | 3. If you want us to do something or don’t want us |
| the minute the child throws something to the floor, or | | | | to do, explain to us why we cannot do that and |
| screams. This reinforces the child to misbehave. As | | | | instead you can tell us what we can do. And please |
| parents if we are ready to appreciate the child when | | | | don’t expect us to obey you as you are our |
| he is behaving well, then the child will also appreciate | | | | parents We are fed up of the command” obey as I |
| us and behave well. | | | | say so” |
| Parents need to remember that discipline is same for | | | | 4. Please tell us specifically when you are pleased with |
| every one; I mean same for all the children there need | | | | us,” You behaved well when friends visited us or |
| not be two yard sticks. If we start treating the | | | | you didn’t make noise when I was talking to my |
| disabled child like any other child. at home as well as in | | | | friend” This will help us to understand how we have |
| front of others, problems are less. We have come | | | | to behave and go on behaving like that. |
| across children who behave well at home misbehave | | | | 5. If you make mistakes don’t feel bad to admit it. If |
| in a public place, scream and even roll on the ground | | | | you do something wrong, please apologize, we should |
| and throw mud on every one, just to get attention. | | | | do the same. |
| These children are very sure their parents are at their | | | | 6. Could you listen to us more often? If you listen to us |
| mercy. There is a six year old child who insists on | | | | you can understand us better and why we behave in |
| taking a shaving cream when ever he visits a super | | | | a certain way, and some times why we misbehave. |
| market. No one is his home uses the shaving cream. If | | | | Then we will be more willing to listen to you. |
| you don’t allow him to take the cream he will roll on | | | | 7. When we go out in the evening we should be back |
| the ground and scream. When he visits the same | | | | by a certain time. Our programmes need to be |
| super market with his school mates and teachers, he | | | | planned according to our convenience and likes and |
| usually drags the teacher to the cupboard where they | | | | dislikes and not according to your convenience. This will |
| have the shaving cream, the teacher explains to him | | | | help you to avoid the conflicts between us. |
| that he doesn’t need that instead he can take a | | | | 8. When our friends visit us, please welcome them, but |
| biscuits or chocolate which has a dazzling cover he | | | | do not ask them lot of questions about their home, |
| agrees. No crying or temper tantrums. All what he | | | | parent’s family and what they do in their spare |
| wanted was not the shaving cream but the bright | | | | time. We need some privacy |
| cover of the shaving cream.. In many cases we see | | | | 9. We want to be trusted, so please don’t worry |
| that if you understand the child instead of saying NO to | | | | about us so much, and don’t always expect the |
| the child you can manage the child. | | | | worst. |
| Parents usually feel that a disabled child is a | | | | 10. You often tell us that you didn’t do that when |
| punishment from god for what they have done in the | | | | you were young. We should be genuinely interested to |
| previous birth. They don’t want to show the child to | | | | know just what you did when you were young. |
| the out side world. We have a mother who takes the | | | | If you keep in mind another six rules as to how you |
| child for a walk around 9PM when every body is inside | | | | can spoil your child you can be little careful and you |
| the house. She says this is to avoid disgrace; She | | | | can live without tension. |
| wanted to avoid the questions asked by her friends | | | | 1. From infancy give the child everything he demands. In |
| and neighbours. The more and more she avoids | | | | this way if he grows up he will think that the world |
| people, people have the interest to find out what is | | | | needs to give in to all his demands. |
| wrong with the child. Instead if you can introduce the | | | | 2. When he picks up bad words laugh about it. This will |
| child to others and introduce some friends of his own | | | | give him an idea that he is cute. It will encourage him to |
| age group, people will have empathy for the child and | | | | pick up more words that will make you hang your |
| help you also. In some cases this kind of socialisation | | | | head when he uses these words in a public place. |
| will help in the child’s social development. | | | | 3. Please do avoid using the word “Wrong” It |
| We come across many parents who are very | | | | may develop a guilt complex in the child. |
| spontaneous in using the word (Don’t do it) | | | | 4. One of the parent make it a point to pick up every |
| “Don’t go out in the sun” “don’t play in | | | | thing he leaves like books and toys after he plays or |
| the rain” “don’t eat ice cream” | | | | comes back from school and do every thing for him |
| “don’t play with that child” How many of us | | | | even before he asks for any help so that as he |
| have the time and the patience to tell the child why the | | | | grows up into adult hood he will shun all the |
| child cannot do that and instead what the child can do. | | | | responsibilities and expect you to do ever thing for him. |
| When we give instruction to the child “Don’t play | | | | As the child grows up you are also growing old and |
| in the rain” do we ever convey the reason?. And | | | | you may not have the strength and energy to do |
| teach the child to make paper boat so that when the | | | | everything for him if he is dependent on you |
| rain stops he can play in the rain water. The child will | | | | 5. Quarrel often in your children’s presence. So that |
| definitely respond to your request, not to play in the | | | | they will feel insecure and in some cases try to run off |
| rain. Make it a point to give positive commands instead | | | | from the family. |
| of negatives. Many parents have the tendency to talk | | | | 6. Never try to correct him when he quarrels with |
| about the child to others like friends and relatives in the | | | | friends and neighbours, blindly support him so that at |
| child’s presence. The positive as well as the | | | | later stage he will become a nuisance in the |
| negative behaviours are reinforced. If we talk about | | | | neighbourhood and the community will try to use force |
| any behaviour that is worrying us the child takes the | | | | to manage him |
| clue from us and misbehaves all the more in front of | | | | No one has a right to say that he /she is a good |
| the visitors. So it is always better to avoid the mistake | | | | parent or bad parent. In our anxiety to give our best to |
| of any discussion in front of the child. | | | | the child, we make lot of mistakes, if we can correct |
| Parents need to keep in mind that we need to treat | | | | some of these mistakes which every one does at |
| the child with disability as any other child in the family. | | | | some stage of their life we can help our children with |
| Children learn what they live as described by an | | | | disability to be useful citizens and not be a burden to |
| unknown author | | | | others even after we are not there to support them. |
| If a child lives with criticism, | | | | |