| Just imagine if someone whacked you over the head | | | | 2) Learn to be aware of their symptoms, despite how |
| with a 2x4, speared you with a tranquilizer dart, | | | | chipper they may appear during our visit with them. |
| scrubbed your skin with sandpaper, stuck pins and | | | | After all, they smile because they enjoy seeing us; |
| needles in your arms and legs and strapped 20 pound | | | | they are trying to keep a positive outlook, despite the |
| weights to each leg. You probably would not feel like | | | | pain, not because they feel good and are doing well. |
| going window shopping or jogging around the park! | | | | 3) Do not push for them to tell us they are "having a |
| Your friend or relative may be suffering like this deep | | | | good day," if they are not. |
| inside, even though they appear to be fine on the | | | | Some have mostly good days and some bad; some |
| outside! Nevertheless, many loved ones do not | | | | have mostly bad and some good; some do not have |
| understand how a person with MS may feel on the | | | | good days at all and feel sick and in pain all of the time. |
| inside. | | | | We should allow them to be honest. |
| Our natural instincts tell us that when something is | | | | 4) Acknowledge what they are going through as a |
| broken, we must fix it. On the other hand, it is crucial | | | | very real, difficult time that may mean a few or even |
| for us to allow people with MS to make necessary | | | | a whole lot of changes and losses. They do not |
| changes according to their limitations. | | | | require our complete understanding, just our belief in |
| In order to contend with the illness, they must avoid | | | | them. |
| overdoing and overexertion or their symptoms will | | | | 5) Respect their limitations. When a person has MS, |
| worsen. Therefore, it is very important to remember | | | | they must manage their condition by staying within |
| that they know what they can and cannot do, in order | | | | boundaries. |
| to manage their MS. | | | | Over-doing oneself only leads to increase in |
| We should not feel as if we need to "cheer" them | | | | symptoms. We must allow them to say "no," even if |
| back to the "way they were before." Remember, your | | | | we do not fully understand. |
| loved one did not choose to have this disorder and | | | | 6) Tell them how much we admire their strength and |
| they will fight every day to keep their dreams and | | | | determination. Many times people living with illness are |
| desires alive. Believe me, no one would like to have | | | | treated like they are just being weak or lazy. |
| their life back more than your loved one. Nonetheless, | | | | But, if we examine the evidence, we will find someone |
| not accepting the way they are with MS will only | | | | who actually has incredible courage. |
| make them feel isolated and less important to you. | | | | How can we help? We can try offering to pick |
| In fact, the last thing they want is to be forced to give | | | | something up from the store when we go, bringing |
| up those activities and dreams in their lives that are | | | | them a picnic lunch, vacuuming their floors or sending |
| dear to them. Yet, when they push themselves | | | | them a note to say we care. They already feel like a |
| beyond their limitations, they can become much worse. | | | | burden, so we should not wait for them to call us for |
| As a consequence, increased stress, exposure to | | | | help. |
| heat and overtaxing oneself can all cause a relapse, | | | | Finally, people with MS do not want pity, they simply |
| exacerbation of symptoms or even further permanent | | | | need our compassion and support. We should not |
| damage. | | | | worry that addressing their hurdles will discourage |
| The best way to support a loved one in this situation is | | | | them! After all, ignoring what they are facing, minimizing |
| to allow them to say, "no" when they feel they need | | | | it and acting like it is no big deal, will only leaving them |
| to, even when we do not totally understand "why." If | | | | feeling like we do not have any idea how what they |
| they are repeatedly asked to do what they have told | | | | are going through. |
| us they cannot handle, this will only add to their | | | | No one facing an illness wants to hear their losses are |
| frustration, feelings of worthlessness and mourning of | | | | insignificant and meaningless. We can validate their |
| their losses. Moreover, they will feel alone in their | | | | challenges, by acknowledging their difficulties and |
| suffering, because we evidently do not understand or | | | | losses. This will give them strength and hope to know |
| respect these limitations, which are out of their control. | | | | we are standing by them with compassion. Most of all, |
| So, What Can We Do? 1) Avoid the temptation to | | | | when we let them know that we see them as the |
| make a visual diagnosis by stating, "Gee, you look like | | | | courageous, strong, determined people that they are, |
| you are feeling good." We cannot see how they feel | | | | they will fight even harder! |
| on the inside, from the outside. | | | | |