What Do You Prize Most in Mid-life?

Craig NathansonEvery day in my practice, I see people who are having
The big question: What's really important?the same emotional, professional, financial, and
relationship challenges that I went through.
People who find the magic balance tend to beIt wasn't easy getting here. The first few years were
healthier and more energetic. In turn, they find moreextremely painful. Financial stress increased,
satisfaction in other areas of their lives.relationships were strained, and emotional stress
Too many people go through life without having theirreached all-time highs. But now, three years later, I
interests and abilities aligned. The inevitable result is ahave finally emerged with a more congruent and
feeling of deep ennui as people drag themselves outauthentic life. I say with confidence that it has all been
of bed every day to endure the grind required toworth it.
support the lifestyles of their families. You may do thisThe first step: Know what matters to you
well, even exceptionally. But the work itself is rarelyIf you want to find your vocational passion, it has to
what propels people. Instead, it's a sense of obligationbegin with a question: What is most important to you?
or a feeling of being trapped.This may be the most important question you will ever
But there is another way. You can develop a plan toask yourself. You need to look deep inside yourself to
escape the grind, then find work that means somethingturn your vague longings into tangible goals, with real
and build a comfortable lifestyle around it. Too manypaths toward achieving them.
people allow their lifestyles (or the lifestyles they areOnce you answer the question and see the path that
conditioned to expect) to dictate the kind of work theythe answers light for you, then it's time to summon the
do. And that is where so many people get into trouble,courage to make the transition.
both spiritually and financially.Matt Vande Voorde walked away from an executive
I discovered all of this the hard way. Now, my missionposition at a large bank to follow what he prized most
is to take what I've learned and help others as theyin his life: magazine publishing. His dream was to one
transition into their life's vocational passion. This requiresday publish a magazine targeted at helping people with
courage, risk, and a willingness to make significantdisabilities use the Internet. Today, Matt is the proud
personal changes. But with determination and planning,publisher of Accessible Content Magazine.
anyone can do it. You will later ask yourself why youJim Goebelbecker was tired of long hours selling
waited so long.products that he didn't care about. He prized his family
Waking up to the rest of your lifeand nonprofit work. He also took a risk and never
I had a good job, a million-dollar house, and a greatlooked back. Today, Jim is an executive with a large
family. I also had staggering personal debt from leadingnonprofit on the east coast. He works just 10 minutes
a materialistic lifestyle. To top it off, I found noaway from his home.
satisfaction in my work.Five steps to discover and follow your passion
My way out came suddenly. Three years ago, I hadMaking this level of change in your life isn't an overnight
an epiphany as I stood before my coworkers, givingprocess. Once you understand that a change is
yet another Power Point presentation. I suddenly shutessential to making the rest of your life matter, you
down. I realized that I couldn't do it anymore.can follow this simple process to move your dreams
I woke up the next morning and felt, more or less,and desires into concrete actions.
back to my old self. Perhaps they were right, I thought.Evaluate what you want. Ask the big questions and
Maybe I just had a touch of the flu. So I drove to work.answer them honestly. Why lie to yourself?
But I never left the parking lot.Envision your future. You need to visualize what you're
I didn't take the final plunge right away. I felt too tied todreaming about. Then, develop a concrete
the life I was living. So I struggled through other jobsunderstanding of what it will take to get there.
over the next few years. But the results and feelingsTune out negative feedback. Everyone will try to talk
were the same.you out of doing this. Listen to yourself.
Finally, I had enough. This was despite the responsibilityAssess your risks. Take an inventory of your assets,
of being the sole provider for my wife and threeobligations, and health. Then, make the necessary
children, having a mortgage, caring for a seriously illadjustments that will minimize the impact and risk of
child, dealing with growing medical bills, and shoulderingmaking a major life change.
$200,000 in credit card debt.Take small steps. You don't have to quit tomorrow.
In 2002, in the middle of a tough economy, I walkedYou can start in small ways by doing research on
away from a six-figure job as a vice president andyour dream vocation, maybe taking a class. Or you
managing director of a billion-dollar multinational firm.can make small lifestyle changes to reduce your
This time, there was no turning back.personal "burn rate."
I had no intention of walking away from myIn the end, you must give yourself permission to follow
responsibilities. But I had to find a way to earn anyour heart. That's what I did. So did Matt, Jim, and so
income in a more meaningful way.many others. They now jump out of bed each morning
Today, I have a private consulting practice, a busylooking forward to a day of vocational passion. You
speaking schedule, and a book - all focused on helpingcan have this feeling too. First, you must decide what's
others in mid-life discover and do what they love.really most important.