What to say, what to do

Have you ever wanted to encourage someone livingwith us about what they are going through.
with a chronic illness, but it seems like you never knowBesides not knowing what to say, we often do not
what to say? Moreover, when you finally think ofknow what to do. We often wish we could do
something you just know will make them smile, do theysomething to help, but do not even know where to
snap back at you with frustration? Well, you are notstart. Our own lives can be so overwhelming and busy
alone. Because we truly want to help our friend orthat we could never fathom having the time to run
family member with a chronic condition, we often tryerrands, do chores and help clean someone else's
to think of just the right words we can say to make allhome too! Nevertheless, what we fail to realize is that
of the pain vanish from their life. If we can just "fix it"what might seem like an insignificant effort to us, may
then we will not have to see them suffer anymore.save our loved one an entire day or even week's
Unfortunately, when we do try to come up with aworth of energy. For example, we can pick up a few
quick answer, we often end up saying something thatthings at the store while we are already there and
seems to irritate or offend our loved one.take out the trash when we drop them off. We can
It is difficult to understand why they got upset, becausedrop them by some fresh flowers, deliver a meal, bring
to us what we had to say should have been helpful.over a video to share or pick up their dry cleaning.
Nonetheless, if we could simply jump into the life of ourNone of these takes much of our time, but it can
loved one, then we would see why our well-meaningmake a world of difference to them! In all, we can
comments were not so well-received. Often, it is ournever fully comprehend what it is like to have a chronic
intention to help them "see the bright side" of theircondition, with all of the loss and pain it poses. Yet, we
situation, so they can realize it is not that bad. Theknow we would not want to feel this way ourselves,
problem is that we have then failed to acknowledgeso surely we can see what courage our loved one
their battle is very real and we have gone on todisplays! We can even try to remember what it is like
minimize its impact.to have to put our lives on hold for even just a few
Sometimes we even try to point out another persondays and tell our loved ones how amazed we are at
who is worse off or try to relate by saying, "Ya, I amtheir strength and perseverance! People living with
tired too." Often, we disregard their limitations bychronic illness/pain would never choose to willingly give
attempting to talk them into doing what they knowup activities they used to enjoy! In fact, they would do
they cannot or should not do. Because we forget howjust about anything to get their lives back! Therefore,
anguishing is it to be ill and laid up, sometimes we evenwe can rest assured, knowing they will keep fighting,
try to tell them "how lucky" they are to not have toresearching and pursuing ways to regain their lives or
work or clean their house.at least prevent further progression of the disease.
What's more, we cannot resist acting as if solving theYes, acknowledging what is happening to a loved one
problem is so simple when we exclaim, "why can't youmeans having to deal with all of its pain, mourning and
just take this or do that?" Likewise, we want so badlychanges, but do not sell yourself short! After all, if they
for them to be feeling better, that we refuse to hearare forced to live with it, we can certainly choose to
the truth and do not allow them to be open and honestlive next to it!